The Reality of Life Abroad

“Vous êtes étudiante?”

“Oui.”

“Et vous êtes seule, you are here, in Luxembourg, alone?” the bank manager inquired.

I barely nodded, overcome with emotion at my loneliness and reality being so bluntly pointed out.

“Wow, respect.”

And THAT’S when I nearly burst into tears. It wasn’t the fact that I was all alone in a completely new country, it was that she was so impressed that I’d done so.

I’ve heard this sentiment a lot since arriving in Luxembourg. It’s such a random choice of country and Master’s program, that most of my peers have other tangible reasons for being here. Some live closeby in one of the neighboring countries and were excited about the program. Others relocated because their spouse got a job here and they figured why not take advantage of cheap tuition while in Europe? Many others are actually from Luxembourg or a nearby country, (a few even completed their BA at Uni.Lu) or at least have a distant family member in the Grand Duchy.

Me? I found the program online through a random Google search YEARS ago and fell in love with the trilingualism, curriculum and opportunity to live abroad in Europe of course!

A Great Aunt had once lived here, but beyond that my connections to the country are nonexistent. Most people don’t whimsically move to Luxembourg like they might to the South of France, London, Tokyo, etc. So yeah, I’m an anomaly.

Although I suppose it wasn’t all that whimsical, I came for graduate school and that alone took a lot of planning. Admission documents, visa requests, travel exemptions due to this ongoing pandemic (along with vaccination and testing requirements) and housing stress, I honestly think I completely skipped over the typical “OMG THIS IS SO AMAZING” high one typically gets at the beginning of a move abroad.

For my first couple of months, and even a bit now, I did NOT feel like the brave badass everyone was making me out to be.

My one month update was much sunnier than the reality had been, but I wanted to save this more “honest” recap for when I was feeling better, so as not to get myself down even more!

If you’ve ever moved abroad (or anywhere new, even if it was in your home country), you’ll know the stress and admin that comes with that. Finding a place to live (I secured this through the University prior to arrival, HOWEVER it didn’t end up being the great thing I thought it was, more on that in a sec), immigration in another language/culture that requires endless paperwork (seriously it’s 2021, why isn’t everything online?), setting up a phone, bank account, registering and starting classes.

My God was I drowning!

Again, doing all this in a country I know nothing about, in multiple languages.

Sure, I’ve lived abroad before, but in Australia and Canada, two places arguably much more similar to home and where English is an official language. I also had loved ones in both places, my Great Aunt (different one from the one who had lived here in Luxembourg) lived outside of Sydney when I studied there. Thus I had a place to crash and address to use while looking for accommodation (which allowed me to find an affordable one in A GREAT neighborhood in Sydney – seriously, Newtown’s the shit guys, especially for students) and someone to make the process less lonely. I’d also visited her before, so Australia wasn’t completely new.

In Canada, where I spent the first half of last year, I had my boyfriend. Sure, I’ve spent most of my life (including the 2 years he lived in Vancouver) frequently crossing the border from Washington, but we were going to live in Québec, which is VERY different. Still, I had him to help and keep me sane during a relocation amidst a pandemic.

Other countries I’ve spent extended time in, such as France, Ireland and Morocco, I had host families to take me in. While traveling I almost always had a distant family member, friend or acquaintance to reach out to and if I didn’t, I had the flexibility to leave whenever suited me.

Here though? No one. Nada. Never been here before. No idea what to expect. Oh and it’s a two-year Master’s program. Sure I can technically fly home whenever, but after everything I’ve done to make life possible here and completing an entire semester of my Master’s, I’m more determined than ever to make this work.

“What have I done?” = my motto for the first month or so.

That’s not to say I regret this at all. I NEEDED this so much after the past two years (gulp, yup guys two years of the damn pandemic). However, had you asked me a week or two into this little adventure, and I would’ve had a MUCH different answer.

I distinctly remember telling my boyfriend in a VERY teary video chat that I wanted to come home.

Had he sent me a plane ticket (whether it be to Seattle or Québec – hey I guess I’m claiming two homes these days, tbd if Luxembourg will ever feel this way), instead of reassuring me and telling me I wanted this for years, give it a chance (which was the correct response) I would’ve been at the airport as fast as possible.

And to be honest, there are still days I feel like this.

Most people say the first couple up to 6 months are the hardest. It’s a roller coaster if you google “living abroad graph” and mine probably is one of those ones that goes upside down and loops and stuff lol.

I’ve made it to five months and every day, every week is a bit better. Now that I have the bulk of the immigration and life admin set up so I can live here I feel a huge weight off. I sort of know my way around the grocery store and public transport. I embrace every opportunity for day trips, hikes and weekends in neighboring countries (more so before this new variant struck). I’m enjoying my classes and program, and have met some of the kindest people I’ve ever known. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the community that is my Master’s cohort, I’m not sure I would’ve stuck out the first couple of months.

I’m still in the “adjustment phase” . I finally have people that I consider friends, but man the early days were rough. I knew it would change, but week one Sydney didn’t know anyone and felt like she’d just signed up for a two year course in loneliness (I KNOW it’s dramatic, but remember week one me was extremely jetlagged, drowning in admin/immigration, still coming down from the stress of international relocation amidst a pandemic and missing home A LOT.)

 You don’t know what you don’t know

My old boss used to say this all the time when she first hired me. I think it’s applicable to a lot of things in life, but especially now. So, instead of continuing to ramble, here’s some things I’ve learned/realities I’ve been faced with since moving abroad for the first time EVER.

• You need to like where you live and live where the people are.
• Making friends. My GOD I forgot how difficult this can be!
• There will be absolute shit days.

I first started typing this post in late October, after some serious stressful days, and even more has happened since. And while I’m not trying to jinx 2022, I think if I can make it through the past few months I can make it through everything. Honestly from September to now, if something could go wrong, it really seemed like it just did. I will end on a much more positive note in a moment, but here’s a quick run-down of everything that went awry and made my first few months literal hell on some days. This is in addition to the general immigration/ administrative stress and loneliness that comes with moves abroad –

Banking

I know opening a foreign bank account as an American is complicated, but I’d done it as a student in Australia and besides paperwork and a bit of waiting, it hadn’t been that bad. Fast forward to here and my goodness!

First of all, I think partly due to Covid, I had to make an appointment to even open an account (and had to go in person to a branch and wait in a long line to do so). Okay, that’s fine. So I open the account and am told I can start using it for online transfers immediately and the debit card should come in the mail in one to two weeks.

After arriving home, I immediately tried to set up online banking aaannnddd….it doesn’t work (this will be a theme).

So I manage to get a hold of the branch where I opened the account, and am told “it happens sometimes” (I’ve now learned this is the go-to excuse here lol), and to come back to the bank for a new code. Or wait for it to come in the mail. Seriously…what is with the lack of electronic options here?!

Let me dip my toe into the next bullet and remind you I’m currently (nearly out of here) living in a very inconvenient (to everything, university, the city, a grocery store) village. There’s nothing here so going to said bank branch takes an hour out of my day. Yes, you read that right, an hour. And no, I don’t have to go all the way to Luxembourg City, it’s just what it takes roundtrip on the bus to go to another town not that far away.

I begrudgingly go back, got the new code, and upon using it, am still blocked. So, I called the branch again, no answer. So I call customer service and they inform me of a mix up and that I’ve actually been given ALL the completely wrong information. I tense, waiting for her to tell me I was going to make ANOTHER trip to the branch.

However, in this instance, I luck out and she’s able to do everything over the phone or email.

Finally a win! I set up online banking, sent rent payment and the fee for my residence permit. I log off and figure there’s nothing to be done until the card arrives.

Then a week later, still no card but I decided to log in and just check things out.

Both fucking transfers show up as declined.

Seriously?!

SERIOUSLY?!

This must be a joke. Many more phone calls later I’m told my account is blocked, but given no reason.

Blocked?! I haven’t done anything but deposited money and attempted to pay rent and the government for residency?!

I will spare any further details, but after numerous emails, an entire week of burning my phone credit on hold with customer service, I’m told essentially, there was an issue scanning my documents when I opened the account and it’s been blocked from the start.

Hold up, this was a KNOWN problem and no one thought to inform me?

So, you guessed it, I ended up back at the branch for more paperwork where I’m told (in a very apologetic way) it will be unblocked the next day at the absolute latest.

Please note this is after an entire week. Can you imagine a bank just blocking a customer from their money for an entire week in the US?

Since I had been calling for an entire week, eventually one of the customer service reps began to recognize my voice. On my last desperate call, in tears as it was 3pm on a Friday and if the issue wasn’t resolved before 5pm, I’d have to go an entire weekend without access to my funds.

She kindly asked “Can you live in Luxembourg without money?”, her way of asking me if I was going to be okay.

I’ll pause here and note that I was never actually completely without money. Sure, by that desperate Friday call I was out of cash, had nearly maxed out my American credit card (which I’d been using for absolutely everything for nearly 2 months), but I had an emergency card for worst case scenarios. It was just so frustrating because I’d already had money wired from the US to the account here and it’s just so annoying to be told; no you can’t access your money, sorry, without any consolation or options.

In general, I have little patience for “those Americans” who don’t try to adapt to their adopted country when living abroad. I do appreciate the better work-life balance in Europe and normally I don’t mind the more lax customer service (at cafes and other places). However, when it’s a necessity like accessing money I become a bit frustrated.

Also, can I pause and point out this is supposed to be a “Banking Capital”, like that’s how the country hopes to market itself. Most expats come here and work for a big bank, real estate brokerage firm or one of the tech companies. I think that’s the most unbelievable/hilarious point of this. If there was ONE thing you’d think they’d have down pat, it’s foreigners opening bank accounts. Half the country are foreigners!

I’m not the only one that had a difficult experience with this, most non-Europeans I talked to have similar banking horror stories. Seriously? WTF Luxembourg.

Housing

Let me preface this by saying I am extremely privileged and thankful to have received accommodation prior to arrival from the university. Due to what I think was more students choosing the University of Luxembourg than was anticipated (and a closure of two residences right before the start of the academic year), there was a HUGE housing shortage and many, many people did not receive a room who applied.

But.

BUT.

It’s not for me. I have an entire separate post coming out about this, but between not being convenient to anything, roommate issues and just stuck in the middle of nowhere, I can’t wait to leave.

The WORST food poisoning of my life

I’ll spare you the details, but Halloween weekend for me was spent mostly in bed. Also, can we acknowledge that this happened in Western Europe of all places? Feel free to use this next time anyone raises an eyebrow when you want to travel to more unfamiliar locations.

Needless to say, this on top of already feeling not great didn’t help (was nearly the last straw).

Travel and LDR woes

I am happy I was able to return to Canada, but man between Omicron, ongoing travel restrictions and my boyfriend and I’s longest, 6 month separation, I was beyond stressed most of December.

We can only hope that the general global situation improves in 2022 and reunions are less fraught with uncertainty in the lead-up.

 It’s not forever, enjoy it while it lasts.

Of course I CAN go home whenever I want (provided there’s a flight available that won’t bankrupt me and I can find a test, etc. all the paperwork with this damn pandemic). My boyfriend reminded me before I came (when I was also freaking out) that if I didn’t like it after a semester or a year, I could always come home.

BUT um, no. As I mentioned at the beginning, I’m getting my damn graduate degree. In three languages. I’m going to perfect French and learn German. I’m going to see more of Europe. I’m going to hike to every (maybe not every, but many) castle in the Grand Duchy.

I am NOT a quitter.

There’s the badass everyone keeps calling me. Lol.

This is a HUGE privilege as many people, including some of my classmates, don’t have as good of prospects to return to economy/employment-wise in their countries, a huge reason they chose to come here. I’m lucky that if ahem when I stick out the next 18 months (wow can’t believe I’m already a quarter finished), my “worst case scenario” is returning to the US. Yes I know it has its problems, but many friends and classmates cannot fathom the opportunities we have in North America and are worried if they cannot find sponsorship post-study in Luxembourg. It’s always a wake up call and pulls me out of my very privileged bubble.

Me? I’m just hoping to get an affordable degree in a curriculum I love, perfect languages (even though I’m one of the VERY privileged English native speakers) and go home to a job and loved ones. Let’s see how I’m feeling after another semester!